tv Jimmy Kimmel Live ABC October 20, 2015 10:35pm-11:37pm CDT
[ applause ] >> jimmy: how are you doing? all right. weome to new york. that's very nice. i appreciate it. thank you for watching. thank you for coming. we're in brooklyn. very nice. thank yo please -- [ cheers and applause ] relax. that's very nice. we are beaming your faces right now from the world from the howard gilman opera house at the brooklyn academy of music from brooklyn, new york. they say you can never go home gaen.
morning i tried to go back to my old house and walked in on a lady taking a shower. sorry.y. i ve been soaking up the local culture, eating all food, drinking all the drinks. we even brought my baby into a bar, which is a thing we were told to do. i'm packed with so much pizza right now i think i could gally be classified as a calzone. by the way, i just want to say to those of you watching in other parts of the country, if you're looking for the best pizza in the world or maybe you're just in the market for a $35 bag of granola, brooklyn is the place to be. [ cheers and applause ] glad to be here. while you're cheering, do we have any new york mets fans in the audience toght? [ cheers and applause ] tonight from wrigley field in chicago, game three between the mets and the cubs. the mets have not won a world series since 1986. the cubs have not won since 1908.
it's like rocky fighting seabiscuit. meanwhile the giants got beat up by the eagles last might on "monday night football." it wasn't much of a game. in fact,he most interesting moment came before the game even started. listen very closely here because it would appear that coach mike ditka put too much kraut on his polish sausage at lunch. >> i'm going to take the eagles because i think they're going to stay on the field on first down and third down confusion. >> i was from philly but they got rid of me so i'm going with the giants. >> the giants w win, the eles -- >> jim: hear that? i don't know if they -- i don't know if they put the microphone in his pants or what, but mike diditka told the ""chicago sun-times"" today she didn't do it. i love that he had t tell them that. let's look at the end part again. >> i was from philly but they got rid of me so i'm going with the giants.
looks guilty to me. you sneaky man. look how happy he is. this, by the way, is how they do football in other countries. this is what happens when you gett ht during a soccer match in greece. a lileit unorthodox but they're the best damn emts in the country. donald trump was supposed to be here tonight. now he's glad he didn't come, i guess. last night his people called, late last night and canceled on us. they were a little bit -- they were cryptic as to why he canceled. they said he had a major
political commitment but wanted me to relay the message to you that i he had been here, he would have been great. i'm dieing to find out what this major political commitment was. usually means he had to go on cnn and call someone an idiot or something. but whyid he cancel? we told them there were cameras are tuesday nights the night he don't worry. tonight we're going to give everyone in thaudience basketball dipped in cologne so you can fully experience what it would have been like had donald trump been here. okay? [ applause ] i will say the big part about donald trump being -- not being here is we don't have to build a wall around guillermo tonight.
>> jimmy: thanks to the brooklynettes. i really did find them in my parking lot at the show. hey, we have a great show for you tonight. brooklyn's favorite son jay z is here with us. we went to all the jays from a-z to make sure we brought you the best one. jay z and i have a lot in common. we both from brooklyn. both love beyonce. the only difference between us is he was a drug dealer when he wass a kid. when i was a kid, my mom dressed
me in outfits that matched hers. other than that, i look happy in that pickture because i was too young to understand what was being done to me.. jay z is headlining a huge concert down the block tonight called title x. we're going to join that live from barclays. all the big names will be there, nas, beyonce, nicki minaj, the pizza wrap, you name it, they will be here. one of his big songs is "99 problems" which is a lot of problems one person should have. in honor of jay z's appearance on our show tonight we went out on the street todayere in brooklyn and asked people what's your problem, 99 times. >> what's your problem? >> rent is too high in new york. >> weather. >> money. traffic. >> my daughter. >> parking tickets. >> 8:00 a.m. class. >> commuting in the cold. >> boyfriend problems as usual. >> right now i think it' skin
care. >> i hate long pants. >> sleep. >> student loans. >> ben carsonon. >> the person o leans on the pole on the subway. >> too many people getting married. >> i'm single. >> i don't lik to cook. >> i hate the smell of pissy subways. >> kardashians. >> i don't have front teeth. th's my problem. >> my nagging girlfriend. >> clinton. >> myself and cats. >> loser men who come into your life and suck out all of your energy. stealing your joy. >> iphones. >> my apartment is too small, my furniture is too big. >> i have t many kids. >> well, a little sigh attic pain but that's okay. >> i cannot lose no weight. >> processed foods. >> cooking. >> noise. >> no fault insurance. >> nobody writes letters anymore. >> my landlord. >> the weather. >> mega millions. >> nation today. >> not enough pumpkins. >> my commute. >> the rent. >> shallow people. >> my phone sucks.
>> my boyfriend's attitude is my problem. >> the mets fans. >> texting at sporting events. >> my husband has expenseive tastes. >> i have jury duty today. >> law school. >> i need a boyfriend. >> crazy people. >> peanut butter in my beard. >> donald trump. >> my exson-in-law. >> college loans. >> tuition. >> mental illness. >> when the sheets come out from thend of your bed and then they get allngled. >> men over 40. >> two jobs at 60. >> winter approaching. >> i don't like gerbils. >> and cats. >> debris in my hair. >> parking. >> my children don't listen. >> broke ass men [ bleep ] people. >> college is boring. >> what's your problem wh break dancers? >> too much movement. >> my problem is i'm not bejohns. >> time warner cable. >> midterms. >> i'm too fat. >> i don't have enough pretty women at the moment but i will have them. >> breastfeeding in public. >> the subway, it smells. >> dijons. >> homework. >> i hate when people smile excessively.
>> politicians. >> i don't make enough money to pport my shopping habits. >> my boyfriend has never seen problem. >> chase utley, i hate that guy. >> i'm pregnant. >> my mother-in-law. >> what's your problem? >> what's your problem? >> my next door neighbors. >> what's your problem? >> it's fine. i'm from scotland an i don't know where i am and i really need the toilet. okay? >> okay. >> jimmy: it's a long w walk home here's a problem nobody mentioned, the number of rat complaints has skyrocketed this yearn new york. there were 24,000 comaints all of last year. they've already past that. on the upper west side they found a colony of 200 rats living in the park. many rats prefer the upper west side because it's quieter in town, you can raise a family there. there's a hot line to call to complain about the rats. apparently it's been ripging off the hook. i don't know who runs it. i would love to answer that phone for an hour and drive
peopople nuts i really would. rats living in new york city ich to me is more of a branding issue. if instead of rats, they called them artisenal mice, everyone would love them. we don't have rats. we have gary bus si and that's more than enough. besides the rats, one of the great things of being here in brooklyn is having the chance to catch up with family and friends. one of the friends especially great to see is a guy i've known for more than 15 yes, is tracy morgan. as you may be aware, tracy was now. and he recently came in to a large monetary settlement. and with that money, tracy made what guillermo and i thought was a very unusual purchase we're going to the zoo zoo zoo hoabout you you you you can come too too too we're going to the zoo zoo zoo
>> that's how it happens. if you want to slow crime down in america, you need to get that free cheese program up and running. >> hello there. >> hey, jimb what's up, baby? >> what's up, tracy? >> how you doing? >> you finally made it. >> i just bought the zoo? >> what do you mean? >> i bought the zoo. >> the whole thing? >> the whole thing. >> all the animals? >> with all the ananimals, the whole works. i bought everything with it. everything except that one rock but we're going to get that done. crag, crag, all that you're saying to me is unnecessary. >> jimmy: which one is craig? >> big one stretching his anything out now. i just came back. all they got is big bad meals. >> guillermo: what do they eat? >> big mac meals and a lot of them eat white castle. this one is from the west so he loves fat burgers. let me take you. >> jimmy: we would love to s it. >> i'll show you.
>> jimmy: you bought the zoo. >> yeah. >> guillermo: with a lot of animals? >> yeah, and a few human beings came with it, too. this is congo. let me show you my gur rilorillas. here we go. >> jimmy: what's that smell? >> look at this. oh, my god. he's coming here, tracy. >> jimmy: wow. >> derek, can i get my money? >> jimmy: garrett? >> derek, call him big "d." >> jimmy: why does he have his back to us like that? >> he's trying to show dominance. >> jimmy: i see. >> his wallet, he wants to show me i got your money right here. he always do that to me. i got your money right here. >> jimmy: this is unbelievable. >> got sort of like a grudge going on because one of his girlfriends liked me. >> jimmy: is that right? >> yeah, brenda. she's sitting way back there. brenda. >> jimmy: she's beautiful. >> hi, brend
hi, ba. >> jimmy: this little bab now -- >> she was on maury povich with me. >> jimmy: reallyly? >> she said that baby's mine. >> jimmy: this is one of the greatest things i've ever seen. >> guillermo: me, too. >> gorillas so close like this. >> guillermo: he has a big belly ke mine. >> they eat a lot of lasagna. >> jimmy: that's what they feed >> yes. that's what he likes to eat. when you cook his lasagna you have to put six different cheeses in it. >> guillermo: how many? >> six different. >> jimmy: one thing being with the owner, guillermo, you find out all -- guillermo: all the information. >> jimmy: exactly. >> i'm tired of gorillas let's check out something else. >> jimmy: cool. good-bye, gorillas. nice to meet you. >> let's go see the flamingos. >> jimmy: oh, yeah. >> the florence nightingales of the bird world. >> jimmy: let's go. >> peaches. she gets crazy when i come
around. >> jimmy: mike tyson used to have a tiger in his house. can you imagine having one of these in your house? >> thahat's why i bought the bronx house. >> jimmy: what's the difference between a bison and a buffalo? >> they don't make bison spicy hot wings. >> jimmy: yeah. >> guillermo: how many pounds? do y think? >> easily about 16,000. >> guillermo: wow. >> jimmy: it weighs 16,000 pounds? >> yeah. >> jimmy: must be very dense. >> what does dense mean?n? jimmy: thick. ged. >> jimmy: oh. ey're fighting. you get worried when they fight like that? he's going to damage the merchandise? >> i got them off craig list. i just go on criagslist and get some more lions. they g everything but you got to be careful who you're dealing
with on criagslist. >> jimmy: because you don't want -- >> a crazy lion. yoyouan get a crazy lion on criagslist. >> jimmy: wow, they're beautiful. >> oh, yeah. when first got them i had them all custom detail. >> guillermo: what do you mean? >> see the hoes? >> guillermo: yeah. >> armor oil on them. this is my giraffes over here. >> guillermo: you have giraffes and everything? >> yeah. i got more than michael jackson. how many michael jackson got? >> guillermo: he has two. >> jimmy: mimichael jackson had >> how many do ihave? >> jimmy: six. >> i'm making more. >> jimmy: how do youo that? >> i put a bottle all around the trees and play music.c. >> jimmy: what do you play? >> marvin gaye. they love marvin gaye. "let's get it on." >> jimmy: "let's get it on." trying on back this feeling for so long you hear that?
>> jimmy: it's working. >> guillermo: it's woing. come on oh come on whew let's get it on >> thehey need some privacy. i think we should -- >> jimmy: yeah. sorry, guys. >> guillermo: let's go. let's get it on ey by let's get it on let's go baby let's get it on >> jimmy: thank you, tracy morgan. thanks to the people, the animals at the bronx zoo. tonight t on the show, our second
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>> jimmy: welcome back. we are here now at the big and beautiful brooklyn academy of music. i'd like to thank tracy morgan, and tracy today announced his new stand-up comedy tour. it starts in february. go to tracymorgan.com for all the details and tickets. tonight we will go live to the barclays center for the big, star-studded tidal x 1020 concert with jay z and a number of surprise guests including usher and nas which i guess is not a surprise anymore. tomorrow night michael j. fox will be here, bernie sanders will be here. we'll have music from big grams and later this week,
jay behar, paulshaffer will sit in with the cletones and music from esperanza spalding and public enemy. tonight's guest is a rapper, entrepreneur, sports agent, former fiancee of beyonce, and much, much more. he is back home in brooklyn with an all-star concert right down the block from us tonight, and his music streaming service is called tidal. please welcome jay z. [ applause ] >> that was crazy. >> jimmy: this is your people right here. he said, you had a nightmare you were going to fall down t the stairs. >> yeah, the whole time i was thinking, don't fall, don't fall.
so when you see like the replay of this you're going to -- >> jimmy: it would have been bad. >> yeah. >> jimmy: wisely you decided not to tie your shoes even though you had that nightmare. >> i just had the night marry. >> jimmy: how far away from here did you grow up? >> about 15 minutes. marcy projects. but i actually lived at 560 state street, which is just that way. >> jimmy: and this neighborhood has changed a lot sce then. >> yes. >> jimmy: largely thanks to you. i mean, you had a lot to do with >> yeah. >> jimmy: are ere things that you miss about the old brooklyn -- >> no, i didn't. that was going to happen anyway. >> jimmy: you were a part of it. it's really like there are a lot here. are there things though that you miss from those old days? >> well, the place where the stadium is was like -- it's
there. so it was like herron uses and stuff. >> jimmy: so you -- you miss them? >> no. good for business but bad for everything else. >> jim: it is -- what do you think is the best pizza in brooklyn? this is something people talk about a lot. >> oh callie's by far. you been there? you en there? you been there? >> jimmy: the guy who runs that place has the same also name as my mother, as a matter of ct, icono. did you know that? >> no, i didn't. >> jimmy: exciting, right? >> very >> jimmy: your wife beyonce, she did an interview, she said she lis her pizza with extra sauce and jalapenos. >> yeah. >> jim: have you expined that that's unacceptable here from brooklyn? >> she's from housn, first of all.
that explains everything. >> jimmy: have you told a 14-year-old shawn carter that his life -- >> i'm going to give you this hat when i go. >> jimmy: i would love to have that hat. -- that his life wouould be a life of basketball team and private jets and all of this stuff, i'm sure you have fancy appliances in your kitchen and what not. >> yeah. >> jimmy: would you have believed it? is this something that you really would have thought would happen? >> absolutely not. my goal was to have a gold album. i thought i was being crazy. i'm going to have a gold album. >> jimmy: even you believed that you might not? >> gold? >> jimmy: gold. >> no. >> jimmy: your high school, a couple other famous rappers at your high school. >> yes. >> jimmy: biggie smalls went to your high school. busta rhymes went to your high school. >> you can clap. [ applause ] we are in brooklyn. >> jimmy: that's remarkable, really. all three of you would be from that school. >> it is.
me and busta rhymes had a rap battle in the lunch room. >> jimmy: in the lunch room. who won that rap batattle? >> i love busta rhymes >> jimmy: do you remember the first time you rapped on stage at a real concert? >> yeah, i forgot the lyrics. >> jimmy: you forgot the lyrics? >> my partner at the name, his name is damon, i was like, finish. he's like, i don't rap. that was the end of it. worst show ever. >> jimmy: we have a video of what i believe and i could be mistaken is your first television performance. the other guy you're going to see in the video is bigig daddy cane who is a guy who you started out with. [ applause ] let's take a look at that. >> freestyle. >> check. here i am the man bringing the mike again ticketg forever and veil well whatev the weather i'm
jay z jay z rap peace. >> jimmy: amazing gift. iteally is. >> that was embarrassing. >> jimmy: was it embarrassing because i watched, oh, that was great. >> something about jay z is embarrassing, i was like a prophet because that was very embarrassing. the hair cut, the shirt, everything. >> jimmy: it looked like you were going to play a round of golf after it. we're going to take a break. when we come back we'll talk about the big concert you have going on today. we'll talk about tidal x. jay z is with us. we're in brooklyn. >> announcer: portions of
>> jimmy: we're back. we're in brooklyn at the brooklyn academy of music. our guest is none other than jay z. i want to get a little bit of sports business out of the way because you are a sports agent. are you enjoying doing that? >> incredible. >> jimmy: seems like a huge pain in the ass to me. >> it is. it is. but it's great. you know, because all these years, athletes, you know, they get a bad rap. some deserve it. but because of how they handle their finances. and no one ever talks about the at. oh, the dumb athlete. you know, agent goes on and, you know,oes about their business.
but it's also the agent's responsibility to take care o of these kids. they're 21, 18 years old. you know -- >> jimmy: they think they're going to play for 15 years, a lot of these guys and then they don't. >> exactly. the first second they buy a big house. and someone needs to advise them. they're kids. they're children. >> jimmy: when you advision nis cespedes to they with the new york mets next season? >> well, that's not up to me. that's up to the mets. >> jimmy: put in a good word. is that weird if you? you're a yankees fan. >> yeah. >> jimmy: taking a player like robinson canu away from the yankees and sending them to seattle. >> that's bad phrasing. i didn't take them aw. the yankees were given a choice and they didt choose to keep him. homegrown talent. >> jimmy: you really are an agent. let's talk about tidal. this is your music service. you put to the this unbelievable lineup of partners. some of the biggest names in all of music.
how is this different b from the her music services? >> it's better. everything. >> jimmy: soundnd is a b thing, right. >> i mean, they want people to believe that you don't c care about sound and quality. they want you believe that. like we don't care if it's hi-fi or not. but people send hours and months in the studio mixing their sound. really crafting a sound and they want, you know, people to hear. and, you know, they pretend as if you don't care about it. but really it's notven -- forgethe sound because that's just a part of it. if you think of streaming, it's the next thing. vinyl and then tape and then downloads and now we're streaming. that's just -- i want to keep swinging my hat. that's just the natural progress of what's going to happen. you just think of it like a big jukebox. you go in a jukebox, bar keep, cure rates it, put a couple of things in there, $4 and you get
this way you put $9 and get 30 million songs. and you can take the jukebox and put it in your pocket and walk around. >> jimmy: tiny little jukebox. >> a beautiful one. >> jimmy: you've got a big show going on n tonight. all the proceeds go to charity, indianapolis. i understand. it's a big charity show, which is great. great things for brooklyn. who is on this show tonight? >> the lineup keep changing. prince was on it and prince is not on it. nas -- > jimmy:rince isn't reliable? that is unusual for him. >> very reliable. had a previous engagement. >> jimmy: yeah, donald trump had one of those, too. >> we are alike. nas wasn't on and nowownas is on it. usher is on it. nicki minaj, beyonce. [ applause ] >> jimmy: seems like more than enough. it's totally sold out, correct? >> yes. but, i was thinking, you know, i held a couple back in my pocket
that if you and your guests would like to come, you could come [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that's all right. jay z, everybodody. we are headed to barclays with the whole audience and jay z. we'll be right back. >> announcer: portions of "jimmy kimmel live" in brooklyn are brought to you by jetblue, proud presenters of "human-kinda." coming october 21st to tblue.com/humankinda. copter roars. (screaming inaudibly): [music begins. the song, danger zone by kenny loggins plays from the pc] pc does what?!
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and the scion backup camera comes weird. right? >> guillermo: the new scion i want to make a song about it. >> jimmy: they have ports. go for it. >> jimmy: okay. >> guillermo: sorry. >> jimmy: okay. i love the new scion i airks it has two pts >> jimmy: that is a terrible song. but i enjoy the pizza. i'm going to take a walk. you keep singing. >> guillermo: hey, my pizza. >> jimmy: you mean my pizza. i love the new scion ia snoetsz it it has wheels >> jimmy: thank you. >>t's a nice day. great day to take a walk.
>> jimmy: i feel like we're getting married. >> howre you doing? hi, guys. >> how,i, h are you? >> nice stroll in brooklyn. >> jimmy: you would think you would a limo or a carr something. >> you guys didn't provide that service. >> jimmy: i'm sorry. >> i thought that was part of the gig. >> jimmy: we're all getting on the subway. >> by the way, the last concert subway there. >> jimmy: really? >> yeah. >> jimmy: nice. cool. >> thank you. >> jimmy: it's only a mile and a half up this way. >> that's it. so, yes, sir. this is unbelievable. we should just move around like this all the time. we don't have to wait for the lights. this.
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>> jimmy: we are live at the barclays center in brooklyn here with the song "empire state of mind," jay z! ? let's go! i like that. yeah i'm out that brookly now i'm down in tribeca right next to deniro i'm the new sinatra i cacan make ianywhere yeah they love me everywhere i used to cop in harlem all of my dominicanos right there up on broadway pull me back to that mcdonalds took it to my stash spot 560 state street catch me in the kitchen lilike the smons whipping pastry cruisin' down 8th street off white lexuss drivin so slow
me i'm out that bed-stuy home of that boy biggie now i live on billboard and i brought my boys with me still sippin' mai taisis sittin' courtside i could trip a referee tell by my attitude that i'm most definitely from new york concrete jungle where dreams are made of there's nothin' you can't do now you're in new york these streets will make you feel brand new the lights will inspire you let's hear it for new york new york new york you welcome og i made you hot catch me at the x with og at a yankee game i made the yankee hat more famous then a yankee can you should know i bleed blue but i ain't a crip though but i got a gang of walkin welcome to the melting pot
corners where we sellin rock afrika bambataa home of the hip-hop ylow cab gypsy cab dollar cab holla back r foreigners it ain't fair they act like the forgot how to add 8 million stories out there in the naked city it's a pity half of y'all won't make it me i got a plug special ed i got it made if jeezy's payin' lebron i'payin dwyane wade three dice cee-lo three cacard molly labor day parade rest in peace bob marley statue of liberty long live the world trade long live the king yo i'mrom the empire state that's new york concrete jungle where dreams are made of there's nothin' you can't do now you're in neyork >> it's a celebration. these streets will make you feel brand new the lights will inspire you let's hear it for new york new york new york >> let me hear you. that boy good welcome to the
lights is blinding girls need blinders r they could step out bounds quick the sidelines is everybody say yeah everybody say yeah welcome to the bright light baby i'm from the empire state that's new york concrete jungle where dreams are made of there's nothinin' you cat do now you're in new york these streets will make you feel brand new the lights will inspire you let's hear it for new york new york new york
going to get in a bet >> have you been working out? >> i'm so into you. >> jimmy: that's why they call me mr. fun. "jimmy kimmel live" "jimmy kimmel live" week night on abc. thanks to tracy morgan, thanks to brooklynettes, and apologize to matt damon, we ran out of time. "nightline" is next, but first, once again from the big jay z tidal show at barclays center, the song is called "chains." nas, bee bee bourelli, and usher! >> 25-year-old male is fatally injured. let's update our viewers here in the united states and around
you can see tear gas. fire. e reports of gunshots possibly being fired. dispersing t crowd. imma get mine you should get yours too shooting shooting s shooting man them boys always shoot american dream american man too shooting shooting shooting watch them boys always shoot and i-i-i-i been so tired of being insecure so tired of i've had enough running running and running and running and running running running and running and running and running and running enough just give it up i don't give a a i've had enough y'all give a no light it on fire i've had enough running and running and running and running running and running and running and running and you act like the change tryna throw me in chains don't act like you saving us it's still the same man don't act like
i made it up you blaming us let's keep it one hundred us we still in chains we still in chains we still in chains we still in chains we still in chains you put the shame on us now now now shame on us now now now now shame on us now now now moment of silence american school and we in church too don't shoot shooting shooting shooting we the prey always shoot prey imma be trill you should be trill too you don't even gotta talk we just shoot and i feel so tired
just give it up don't give a [ muted ] light it on fire yeah yo check i am sugar ray robinson booker t washington w e b du bois i'm the e modern o yelling at senators presidents congressmen we got a problem that needs some acknowledgement i i am no pson commodity not just a body you throw in a cell for any reason just to bother me just for your quota o its rest in peace to sean bell sle in peace eric garner sandra eve street every corner conspiracy newew world oer i spoke to tamir rice mom and she told me be strong it won't be long til it's justice they won't have votes but refuse the discussion on how certain cops stay shoot us for nothing revolution is coming you act like the change the land of opportunity tryna throw me in chains the land of unity it's still the same america man don act like i made it up you blaming us youou know let's keep it one hundred you gave the name to us we still in chains hey so what up my we still in chains
we still in chains you see these chains we still in chains i can't see we still in chains the difference from how we used to be we still in chains we still in chains you put the shame on us now now now ame on us now now n now shame on us now now now you put the shame on us we still in chains e still in chains you put the shame on us now now now shame on us now >> ferk the nowow now shame on us now now now you put the shame on us we still in chains >> we are all america. we stand together. we still in chains we still in chains we still in chains we still in c chains >> stop police murder. we still in chains >> hope. we still in chains